she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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