Welp...herpes.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
