I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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