Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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