Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
