Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
