My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
