i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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