he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
