Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
