allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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