I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My friends, they love my intelligence
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
