Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
