If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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