I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize