You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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