I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
