evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
