I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
