At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I wear drunk well.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
