I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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