Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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