She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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