Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
