he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
