How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
