He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
