i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
