he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
