I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
