look no pants
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
