Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize