drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
