its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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