dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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