i permit you to call me
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I need a beard to bite.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
