I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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