In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
