My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
