i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
