His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
