dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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