Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
