I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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