I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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