I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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