This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
