Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
