these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
