My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
