I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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