A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
