I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
