Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
