he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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