dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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