Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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