I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
