my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We had to coat check the pizza.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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