New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize