Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
