Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
