Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Randomize
