Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
