Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
