I seem to have left my pride at pride
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
