I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
