If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Randomize
