Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
