Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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