do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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