I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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