if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
