he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Randomize