Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
