so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
