This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
