Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
is wine microwaveable?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
