why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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