If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
