we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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