he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
