1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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