If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
